Have you ever seen What Would You Do? It's a show where they do wacky little social experiments to see how people will react to stuff like racism, homophobia, bullying, and other shinannigans!
Well, I'm a lifelong fan of it. I love seeing people get all pissed off when somebody's doing some crazy bullshit, like beating the shit out of an innocent migrant worker while yelling slurs, and I kick my little feetsies and giggle when I see John Quiñones pop out! Then everyone in the situation reveals they were just joshing ya and and they all have a good laugh! My favorite episode is the one where some guy bombed an orphanage, and some lady walked by, and saw him and told him "hey, that's NOT cool!" And then john Quiñones appeared and said, "but what is cool, is doing the right thing! Good job, Melinda Q Robertson!" And she was like "what the fuck, how do you know my name?" I've seen every episode. Or at least I thought. There's one episode that got lost. I heard about it on the WWYD wiki. I don't know how the episode got lost.. Maybe it wasn't accompanied by its mommy, and some good somaratin will help return it to the airwaves! But anywho, I went searching for the lost episode. It took me a while, but I finally found it in a bargain bin at ross dress for less. It was on a dvd. I found it kinda odd that the DVD had only one episode, since usually they'd have entire seasons or collections of similar episodes. I bought the DVD and went home to watch it. I put on my limited edition WWYD footie pajamas, and popped in the disk.
The episode began like normal, with John Quiñones introducing the problem being explored in the episode.
"It's almost every day we see YOUR MOM doin some crazy shit in her local convenience stores!"
Erm, what the fuck?
The scene then cut to a short compilation, recreated by actors, of MY MOTHER doing some wacky shit like beating store employees with buttered up socks full of concrete, while telling them to "say uncle!" This was pretty odd, to say the least. But I kept watching, cuz I was curious to see what kind of shinnanigans my mom was getting up to. I mean she do be like that tbh. The main part of the episode began. The actress portraying my mom was in a 7/11, throwing fresh tomato slices on the floor, then hiding behind a corner, waiting for the store employees to come slip on them, and giggling to the camera, telling the audience that she's "hunting wabbits!" Then she cocked a sawed off shotgun. Just then, a random person in the store saw what she was up to and approached her. They loudly proclaimed, "what's up, doc?" My mom shushed the store patron, telling them they were "scaring away the wabbits" to which the patron facepalmed, and a laughtrack began to play.
Alright, what the hell? There were no laughtracks in WWYD! I was beginning to think this may not be a normal episode after all!
The store employees slipped on the tomatoes, and my mom jumped with joy and began shooting at the confuzzled folks who'd fallen for her trap. The store patron from earlier said, "Hey, can you simmer down? Shooting up a 7/11 isn't a very polite thing to do!" We then see John Quiñones in the control room, watching the occurrence. "Alright, let's break it!" He announces. We see the store area, as John Quiñones approaches the store patron who spoke up, and introduces himself. The person started screaming their head off. "Oh my god it's John Quiñones! I'm your biggest fan!! Squeee!" Alright, now this episode was bugging me a bit, because I'M John Quiñones's biggest fan actually! This person screamed so hard, they had a heart attack, and fell to the ground, convulsing. The paramedics rushed to the scene to load them up and get them medical attention. We then cut to them in the ambulance, as John Quiñones is crouched next to them with a microphone. "Why did you step in when you saw what Jimbob's mom was doing to those 7/11 employees?"
Oh yeah, my name's Jimbob by the way.
The person coughed up some hyperrealistic blood, and tried to speak, "Well, Mr. Quiñones, I just think everyone should take a stand against Jimbob's mom and her reign of terror! Also, I have a nephew who's a 7/11 employee!"
John Quiñones smiled, as a tear ran down his face, "That's beautiful! We need more people like you in the world!"
I agreed with him, this scene really warmed my heart! The next scene began. We see my mom back in that 7/11, but this time she was just standing there, menacingly! A store employee walked by her, and stood on the suspiciously placed X on the floor in front of her. She joyfully pulled a rope next to her, and a piano fell on the employee! His head popped out the top of the piano, and he smiled, revealing his teeth replaced with the piano keys, which were playing their own rendition of "Twisted Transistor" by Korn. He had some stars floating around his head. Some dude walks by and sees this, and he starts freaking out. He runs up to my mom, with his eyes bugging out. He grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her a little. "Hey lady, do you have money? Just a dollar? A nickle? I need cocaine real bad, just give me whatever you have, I need cocaine, man!" He started scratching himself until he bled a bit, and pulled at his face some. He was shaking violently. "Come on, just give me a little bit of cocaine!" My mom slapped him around a bit, and told him to get a hold of himself. She then asked him his opinion on her recent antics with the store employee. The guy screamed and said, "I don't know what you're saying, but I know I gotta get some fucking cocaine right now!" We then see John Quiñones back in the control room. "Aww what a sweet interaction! Time to break it!" And he once again goes to reveal himself. He approaches the man, telling him he's on WWYD, and asking him what encouraged him to step in and say something about the situation, to which the guy just replies, "Cocaine!" John Quiñones smiles, and says "How heartwarming!"
I once again, agreed with John Quiñones.
John Quiñones then pulled a little bag of cocaine out of pocket, and dangled it in front of the crackhead, saying, "You want it, boy? You want it?" The guy started barking, as John Quiñones told him to "Sit, boy! Sit!" And he did as he was told, and sat, with his tongue out, panting. John Quiñones threw the bag, and told him to fetch. He barked loudly, and did exactly that. John Quiñones turned towards the camera, laughing, and said, "What great reactions today! But will people have the same sympathy, when Jimbob's mom hastles truckstop employees instead of gas station employees?"
Ohh, now things were getting juicy!
We cut to the next scene, taking place at a truckstop. My mom approaches the food court, and goes right for the pizza hut. She goes to the counter.
At first, it's actually pretty normal. She just asks the employee about the wing flavors. The girl at the counter tells her what flavors of wings there are, to which my mom follows up with, "Can you explain what temperature you fry the wings at?" The employee answers the question, to which my mom asks her, "Are these wings from an actual buffalo? Also, what's the difference between the blue cheese and regular cheese? Are the wings crispy, cuz I'm allergic to things that are TOO crispy! If they're only moderately crispy, that's fine! Do you personally slaughter the buffalos for their wings in the back? I just wanna know my wings are fresh!" The cashier answers all her questions, to which my mom then says, "Actually, you know what? Fuck the wings! I'll just order a pizza!" The cashier bashes her head on the counter repeatedly. Someone waiting behind her in the line piped up, and told her to hurry the hell up so everyone else could order. My mom turned around and threatened to throw hands with the other customer. The other customer politely and calmly informed her that, "THIS IS AMERICA, AND I CONCEAL CARRY, BITCH!" We see John Quiñones in the backroom, watching this on his bed, lying on his stomach and kicking his lil feetsies, and giggling. He picked up an old rotary phone, holding it to his ear, and twirling the cord around his finger. "Hey, Jessica! It's literally time to like, break it and shit!" We see Jessica, sitting in another backroom, admiring her 12 inch long fingernails, on the phone with him, "I know, Johnny, I know, girl!" John Quiñones appears behind the angry customer, introducing himself, and telling him he's on WWYD. The guy started laughing. "Oh John Quiñones! You cheeky lil fella! You sure got me good!" John Quiñones asked him what inspired him to speak up, and he told him, "Well see, I haven't eaten in three days, and my lunch break is only five minutes, so if I don't get this pizza as quickly as possible, I will starve. But now that I know this is WWYD, it's all okay!" John Quiñones gave a hearty laugh, and I joined him. "Another great reaction added to the WWYD roster!" He announced! The angry customer laughed as well, and then keeled over and shriveled into dust.
So far, this was a great episode! But things would soon get weird.
John Quiñones turned towards the camera, amd announced, "I am now going to say a string of slurs and other vulgar terms that would get any YouTubers video taken down!" I started shaking in fear. N-no.. John Quiñones would never! He then chuckled, "Just kidding, but I am gonna look at you with hyperrealistic bloodshot eyes!" I was like, "Well that's not as scary, but NOOOO, JOHN QUIÑONES! HAVE MERCY!" He then said, "What would YOU do, if some slimy little basketfucker watched your mysterious lost episode that was never supposed to see the light of day?" He laughed maniacally. Then all my lights turned off. I was a bit startled, to tell ya the truth. I got up, and went to the bathroom to piss, but when I got there, John Quiñones appeared in my mirror with evil red eyes! I screamed. I'm a huge fan of him, but this was freaky! John Quiñones then said, "Go ahead! Piss, little peepeepissboy!" I did piss, but not in the toilet. I then ran away screaming. I got to the living room, still running, when I slipped in something. I fell down and got a little booboo. The lights then turned on, revealing what I'd slipped in. It was blood! I looked up, amd saw my entire family and all my closest friends dead! I screamed again, cuz this was a little bit spooky! Then the cops kicked down my door, yelling at me to put my hands up! I tried to tell them, "It wasn't me, it was John Quiñones!" But they were having none of it! I got cuffed and taken downtown. But right as I was about to get booked....
John Quiñones appeared! And he told me that I was on WWYD! All my previously dead friends and family also appeared, now alive and laughing their asses off! The cops also started laughing. I was overjoyed! It had always been my dream to be on WWYD! I thanked John Quiñones for this amazing opportunity. He asked me why I was so spooked when I was falsely arrested for the gruesome murders of all my loved ones, and I was like, "Well to be honest, John Quiñones, it was a pretty startling experience! I was shaking in my boots!" I had put on boots right before this incident took place, just in case I got scared by something so I could shake in them. Everyone then started clapping, except for me because I was still handcuffed, but I was clapping in spirit.
I didn't stop watching WWYD because of this like some others might, obviously. In fact, I was an even bigger fan beyond this point. I immediately bragged to everyone I met that I was on WWYD, but unfortunately, the episode I was on also became lost, so nobody believed me. Not even my friends who witnessed all this shit, because John Quiñones wiped their memories with some kinda wack ass men in black technology. So I guess I'm taking this to my grave.
If you find the episode, let me know. I need to rub it in the face of Mark from accounting.