All the creeps down in creepypastaville loved Christmas a lot, but Jeff the Killer, who lived just south of creepypastaville did not.
Despite the permanent smile carved into his cheeks, Jeff looked down at the town, shaking his head in disbelief. Nobody knew why jeff was such a grumpy little guy, up on his mountain being a dick all the damn time.
He'd go around stabbing all the local residents, and every Christmas he'd eat all the presents, to say he's a menace would not be a lie, as he'd even steal giant spiral lolipops, and make local kids cry.
He'd twirl his big curly mustache as he committed such sin, which he didn't normally have, just for this one specific occasion. Jeff hated Christmas with a burning passion, he hated the joy, the carols, and even the fashion.
It was the happiest time of the year, yet Jeff still wanted to spread nothing but fear.
Every December, he'd have even more of a murderous glint in his eye, a homicidal hankering, more than usual, and we don't quite know why.
It could be perhaps he was insecure about his height. It could be that he was all alone jacking it every friday night.
But I think the most likely reason of all, could be that his cock was two sizes too small. Though he did have two, and that was pretty cool!
But whatever the reason, his celibacy or his length, he sat up on his hill every Christmas eve, bitching through his teeth.
Looking down from his iconic jeffcave with a no good expression, the sight of everyone so joyful gave him clinical depression.
For he could see that the creeps down in creepypastaville below, were decked out in Christmas gear from their heads to their toes.
"They're hanging their horrible lights, and their gaudy decor" Jeff shook to his core, "It's nearly Christmas, the day I abhor. He snarled with his Jeff fingers tapping,
"I gotta keep all this Christmas shit from happening!"
"For tomorrow I know all the creeps will rejoice, they'll rush to their gifts and make all kinds of noise! And the one thing I hate is all that fucking noise NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!"
"They'll be splattering their hyperrealistic blood all over the walls!
They'll run around getting possesed by their haunted dolls!
They'll be opening their brand new executable files, and getting their souls stolen for miles and miles!
They'll watch lost episodes, and scream to the heavens above, all about that sonic guy that everyone is a fan of!"
"Then the creeps of all ages will have a big feast!
They'll feast on livers, and kidneys and spleens! Holiday spleens are a feast I can't stand in the least!"
"And then they'll do something I hate most of all! Every creep down in creepypastaville, the tall and the small, they'll all stand in their summoning circle, chanting incantations and singing a stupid lil diddy for Santa's arrival!"
[The creeps song] "Christmas Christmas wahoo wahoo! Christmas Christmas wahoo wahoo
Suck my dick and slap my ass, I love Christmas that's a fact!" []
Jeff remarked, "And they'll SING! SING! SING! They'll summon santa into their big Christmas ring, and santa will grant them all sorts of Christmas things!"
And the more Jeff thought of this, the more pissed off he got, He was so angry and stressed, he got a hyperrealistic blood clot. Jeff thought, "I have to get rid of all of it."
Why for so long I've despised this whole thing, ever since I became a serial killer when I was 13! Now I'm greasy, middle aged, and balding a bit, and I'm pissed at the world, so I just gotta stop all this Christmas shit!"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
Jeff the killer got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I know what to do!" Jeff began to say, "I'll throw together a sly little "claus-play" !"
He made his own little santa claus garb, then gained a bit of weight, gorging carb after carb.
All that was left was a reindeer to pilot his sleigh, but due to his rancid oder, they all ran away!
Since there didn't seem to be any around, he made a makeshift reindeer out of his grinning hound.
He fashioned a little sleigh with some wood, and then stuffed in as many empty sacks as he could!
The time had come, his plan nearly complete!
He grabbed his pet smile dog tight on his leash, and of course he couldn't forget his trusty thing of bleach!
This Christmas eve would sure be a thriller! The holiday was soon to arrive, but as too, was Jeff the killer!
Jeff snuck into the creepy little town, out in the night, with not a soul around!
He came upon the first house on the block, slinked his way inside, and went straight for the socks.
He snatched up the stockings, and stuffed them into his sack, then went around the house, adding more to his pack.
Jeff gobbled up the food and smashed all the plates, he even ate all the goddamn urinal cakes! (american accent) And as he did so, he looked at the camera to smile, "back in my country, we call that a urinal!" (british accent)
While he was at it, he grabbed some nearby knives, and made his way to some of the bedrooms here and there to take a few lives.
But not everyone could go to sleep, though that would be fun, as he wanted some to awaken next morn to see what he had done.
He went house after house, light on his feet, and continued his swiping and stabbing spree.
And once leaving the homes of those he'd chosen to expire, he used his thing of bleach to light a little fire.
[]SONG[]
"you're a bastard, Mr. Jeff,
You really are a bitch,
you're as cuddly as a cockroach,
And you give me a bad itch, Mr. jeff
You're a fat jackass who took a shit on my lawn!
You're a bastard, Jeff the Killer
Your ass has an extra hole!
You've got bugs between your teeth,
You're a parasitic leech, Mr. Jeff
I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-third foot beam!"
[]
After Jeff took every morsel, and had an all you can eat holiday food and present buffet, he had but one more tree left to take away, But as he was hauling the Christmas tree off, he heard a small voice that was gentle and soft.
He turned around startled, and whipped out his knife, if someone had seen him, they mustn't remain alive!
It was but a young girl named Sally, with clothes tattered and messy, she stood there confused, and clung to her teddy.
Jeff lunged at the girl, drawing his knife, and attempted to stab her with all of his might.
Sally didn't budge, she just stood there instead, scratching her head, she told jeff, "You can't kill me, I'm already dead!"
Jeff was shocked, and wasn't sure what to do. Maybe he should just book it to Timbuktu?
He knew this situation looked less than appealing, but he had to find a way to keep the ghost girl from squealing!
"Sorry, I just slipped and fell," Jeff said thinking of another lie to tell.
"Your family won a bigger and better tree in the north pole tree raffle! So I'm taking this old one out of your way, so setting up the new one wont be such a hassle!"
Sally had a skeptical look on her face, but figured there's not much she could've done in the first place.
And quite frankly, she didn't really care, so she went back to her usual activities, clutching her teddy bear.
And as little Sally was leaving the room, Jeff shoved the tree right up the chimney chute.
Jeff took everything he possibly could, leaving only three specks of fireplace soot. Having successfully robbed every single creep neighborhood!
Jeff even took shit that had nothing to do with Christmas time, he took people's wallets and coin jars, stealing every last dime!
He went through Jane's house, tossing even her toiletries right into his bag, even knowing damn well she was on the rag.
What a dick.
And once he was done, he slunked back to his little mountain, the no-good slimy prick!
[]SONG[]
"You're a nasty bitch, Mr. Jeff!
You're a nasty nasty bitch!
You're a grimy little pest,
You should probably KYS, Mr. Jeff!
You're an incel, Mr. Jeff
You're a blackpilled sub-5 male!
Your dorky british accent
Makes me wish that I was deaf
Mr. Jeff!
You're a mold covered
Jockstrap from davy jones' locker
with jizz on the crotch!"
[]
"I bet they'll cry and piss themselves when they see what I've done!" Jeffy clause said, "For once this Christmas is merry, now that I've won!" And Jeff made off with his loot in his rickety old sled.
On the top of mount jeffkill, Jeff sat satisfied, he was happy this Christmas, more than a few people had died! And nearing the morning, upon the horrible sight, Jeff was sure many had already cried!
On that dreadful christmas morn, the creeps all awoke, at first they all thought it was some kind of joke. Their shit was all gone, all their houses were robbed. And they knew just who to blame, that little punkass emo knob. "Oh god damn it, Jeff the killer's at it again!" mayor Slenderman began, "Well, I guess we'll have to go get on his ass for the millionth time."
From up on his perch, Jeff heard a noise, the angry, incoherent ramblings of creep girls and creep boys. And even those in between were also pretty damn peeved. Jeff put down his morning corn on the cob, and went to go confront the angry creep mob.
Ben Drowned had a very disappointed frown, "Jeff, took everything, from the whole creep town!" The other creeps followed, yelling out their greivances, as Jeff responded, "Why don't you all suck my two penises!" Then he got an embarassed look on his face, "Well, except for Ben, he's underage!"
The creeps all muttered utterances under their breaths, all pretty pissed about this christmas's death. But Jeff didn't care, he sat up in his cave, and pointed at each creep laughing right in their face!
"Yeah, I Jeff the killed your christmas, that is very true! But come on guys, what's a jeff to do?"
Mayor Slenderman yelled out "I dunno, leave us the fuck alone, and let us have fun? If you hate us so much, why don't you move away or something?"
Jeff retorted, "Your suggestions are boring, every word you say has my tight Jeff ass snoring!"
Mayor Slenderman then replied, "Why do you keep speaking in rhymes like that? You think this is fuckin funny, asshole?"
Despite the situation being rather terrible, Jeff did, in fact, find this rather hysterical! He laughed in all their faces once again, and then loudly proclaimed, "Why don't you sit and spin!"
The creeps of creepypastaville had enough of Jeff's shit, they grew even angrier, so mad they could spit! Mayor slenderman was pretty pissed, he had no more presents for his eight slenderkids!
"I swear to god, he does this every year, it's getting ridiculous, I saw him eat all my kids presents last year, who even does that?"
Jeff simply chuckled, and coughed up a bow, "Here you dogs, I'll throw you a bone!" He tossed it out to the audiance, mocking their pain, as they looked up at him, with rage and disdain.
"Don't make us come up there, you fat smiling twat!" Jeff began sweating, "Uh oh, I might get got!" The creeps pulled out pitchforks, and torches and mace, and headed straight towards Jeffs ugly fish looking face! Jeff got nervous, he didn't have a plan, he looked down and saw he had merely a single knife in his hand!
They started climbing that mountain, in droves they came! Jeff quickly yelled out, "Uh wait no I mean uh.. I'm sorry you feel that way?" The angry mob paused, putting their pitchforks down, they stopped for a moment, "wait, let's hear him out!"
Mayor Slenderman cried out, "Are you guys fucking serious?"
They all stopped to see what else Jeff would say, then little Ben went, "Mayhaps he finally feels the christmas spirit today?"
Jeff ran with that and nodded, "Yes, that's exactly it! I just now realized how much I actually like all this christmas shit!" Jeff dramatically put his hand to his heart, "And to think, I just tore it apart!" Jeff pulled out an onion, placing it near his eye, "In fact this day is so beautiful, it's making me cry!"
Jeff then smiled from ear to ear, "I promise I won't do it again next year!" Jeff looked down, with innocent, doe-like eyes, "I promise you all I'm not a bad guy!" And as all the creeps put their guard down, Jeff made his way down the mountain, to greet the people of the town, and they no longer had such sinister frowns. "Now that we're all seeing eye-to-eye, why don't we start over, just you guys and I? Now there's no need to kick my ass! So come on guys, lets leave this in the past!"
And despite the fact that he still had a tiny little chode, Jeff insisted then that his heart had grown! The creeps all cheered, as Jeff's heart was reborn! They forgave the little pecker, and retracted their scorn.
Though for all, it wasn't so simple, Mayor slenderman shook his head, putting a tentacle to his temple, "Guys, he does this same shit EVERY fucking year!"
The creeps joyfully invited Jeff to their Christmas party. Jeff couldn't wait, and told them he wouldn't be tardy!
"Yeah, Let's go guys! Let's sing out christmas song! We all know Slendy's just remembering that wrong!"
The crowd cheered, carrying Jeff the Killer away, to engage in fun festivities on this christmas day!
Mayor Slenderman shook his head and declaired, "God, you guys are all a bunch of idiots!"
The creeps and Jeff gathered around their silly christmas seance circle, and they chanted and sang until they were purple! They had a jolly time, as a matter of fact, Jeff the killer himself even made the first christmas blood pact!
It was a sentimental moment indeed, The creeps and Jeff having all that they need! "See? Its not about gifts or monetary gain!" Jeff explained, "It's about all these lovely people on this magical day!"
Slenderman pouted, "Some of which you killed last night"
Jeff continued, "It's not about presents or physical things! It's not about the toys or the gifts santa brings!"
Slenderman interjected, "You know, I spent $800 dollars on those gifts for my kids, after several months of strenuous manual labour.."
Jeff pulled all the creeps in for a big group hug, as he cooed like a dove, "This is the day for togetherness and love!"
The creeps all sang one final song, and this time Jeff the killer was singing along! The creeps in the town all loved this part, they all joined hands and sang, heart to heart!
[The creeps song] "Christmas Christmas wahoo wahoo! Christmas Christmas wahoo wahoo
christmas christmas christmas christmas!" []
And that wraps up another fine christmas day! And later, Jeff sold all the decorations and presents he didn't eat on ebay.