Ah, Polytoria. A fun, nostalgic game. It's only been around about five years or so, but charms thousands with its cheery, classic aesthetic. If you don't know, Polytoria is a fun little game, kind of similar to roblox, except better. Because of some of the more unsavory updates and drama surrounding roblox, many people are flocking to this smaller, happier platform. It's been making its rounds lately. Many don't know this, but it has a... Sinister side and
hey there pals! My name is Garcellemeu Von Dingleheimen! My life is pretty crazy. I just got mailed to some fat fuck's house to be his new brother! But what's even crazier, is this spooky, bone chilling tale about the online sandbox game, Polytoria. When I arrived here, the first thing I did was make an account on Polytoria. I'm a pretty big fan of it. Well...I WAS a pretty big fan of it... Now I'm a bit more weary of it due to.... The incident....
Now, I'm a pretty big gamer. I have been for as long as I can remember, which isn't very long, as I was born in a lab about 5 days ago. But nonetheless, I know I have gaming in my genes. Even in my very short time, I've played some pretty terrifying horror games. You may not believe me, but this Incident on Polytoria shook me to my core even more than all of those games. I'm dead serious. I got on Polytoria one day, like any other. Collected my daily bricks, got my daily XP, hungout and played some survive the disasters and prop hunt. After a while, I got bored, and decided to scroll through the games page, looking for something I haven't played yet. Sometimes I like to play random obscure games that don't have many visits, to help out smaller developers. I came across this one game I hadn't seen before, it looked a little strange. It was called "The Brung Club", and was created by a user named "Brung".
I decided to join it. THAT was a huge mistake...
Right away, the game was weird as hell. Nobody was there, which was typical for polytoria. There was a big treehouse, with a sign reading "the brung club: brungheads only beyond this point!" Across from the brung club was a piggly wiggly. I went inside, and to my shock and horror, it was empty! WHAT THE FUCK?? just then, brung joined the game. Finally, I need to have a word with this guy! I asked him what the big idea was, and just where the hell I'm supposed to get my mr.pig soda if his lazy ass can't stock the piggly wiggly! Brung didn't say anything, he stood there for a minute, then finally, he just said "I brung tha thunda!" (That's his iconic catchphrase btw)
And then brung started ranting about how they should rename polytoria to 'brungville' and add AI generated furries sucking your dick in the new 2.0 update! What the fuck!!
This game was pissing me off, so I was about ready to go report it to Will I Am Stellar, AKA John Polytoria, AKA, my dad... So you know.. Better be nice to me on polytoria heheh.. By the way, did you know if you give me 500 bricks, I'll double it and return it?
Then brung said that Big willy willy from west philly stellar should add the new avatars to survive the disasters because they'd be the most brutal disaster to have to survive. That was it! My father, Big William where my hug at come to my cellar stellar worked five whole minutes on those, and I will not stand for his hard work being insulted! I looked this brung character right in the eye and told him I'm gonna tattle on him if he doesn't cut that shit out! Then brung said "sploodge gargler says what?" And I was confused, so I went "what?" But then I realized my error, as brung had just bamboozled me big time. That does it! I left the game and emailed big polytoria about this. While I was writing the email, I noticed that my PC wallpaper had been changed to a picture of brung with bloodshot hyperrealistic eyes. This annoyed me, but I quickly reverted it back to my favorite picture of mario and obama making out, so it wasn't really a big deal.
Finally, Willem? I hardly know them stellar replied to my email. He said,
"Oh no! I'm sorry to hear about your experience! I think I know how to help. Do you think this brung person is related to Joe by any chance?"
I was confused, so I replied asking who joe was, to which willy billy fo filly stellar replied, "Joe mama." I sternly informed him that this was not the time for games, and that this brung fellow is a serious issue. Willem replied, "alright fine, here's a tutorial for how to delete brung and his game from your polytoria client." With a YouTube video attached. Unfortunately, the video wasn't much help. I sent back a reply, "Erm.. Mr. Stellar, the video did not help, it was just the music video for 'Never gonna give you up' by rick astley!" To this, he just replied with
"Nananananana! Nananananana!" Along with an image of me drawn as a soyjak. None of which was particularly helpful with the brung situation. And then will smith stellar slapped me across the face for talking shit about his wife at the grammys! Alright that does it! I was NOT having this!
I marched my happy ass down to polytoria incorporated. I knocked on the door, and Dargy let me in. He gave me a bottle of lemon water to welcome me. Emir gave me a warm towlette and two cucumbers to put over my eyes. I sat down in the conference room, and they both sat down with me to discuss the situation. After I was done explaining, Dargy said, "Damn, that's crazy and all, but ball fondler says what?" And I was confused so I asked "what?" But then I realized my error once again. Then Emir pressed a button on the desk that said "eject", causing the chair I was in to shoot me through the roof and out of the building. As I was flying through the air away from poly inc, I shook my fist towards the building and yelled out, "Curse you Poly the platytoria!"
I somehow landed back in my house. Well this whole thing sure doesn't poly MY toria, that's for sure. I got back on my PC and saw that all my icons were gone, and there was a window onscreen. All my files were apparently being held hostage by a ransomware called "the brung virus" and there was a message telling me "If you ever want to see your precious computer files again, I'm gonna need about $69 and 8 cents, plus tax! PS, I brung tha thunda! (That's his iconic catchphrase btw) So RIP to my computer I guess.
If you ever see a polytoria game called "the brung club", don't fucking play it. I mean it! Don't play it or else!