Unless you live under a rock, you've probably heard of Wow Wow Wubbzy, and you're probably a huge fan, like everyone is. But, I can assure you, your level of fandom for the Wubb is pathetic compared to mine. I'm a REAL diehard fan. In fact, if you could see my collection of Wubbzy memorabilia, you'd be ashamed to even call yourself a fan.
Last tuesday, I was at a flea market trying to find some new plates for my cookout later this week. While I was there, I locked eyes with their collection of old DVDs and VHS tapes. I scoffed at their sad little collection of Wow Wow Wubbzy tapes. I already owned every single one, plus all the special editions......................... or so I thought....... A specific DVD caught my eye. It was titled: "The last Wubb". I inspected the case, the covor had a closeup of wubbzy's face, but he looked a little different than usual. His usual yellow color was just slightly muted. His usual shade was #feff50 (254,255,80), while his shade on this box was #f6e700 (246,231,0). I thought this was strange, but maybe this was just a glitch (If you're smart like me, you know we live in a simulation) I was absolutely baffled that there could have possibly been a wubbzy DVD that I didn't own, and I furiously threw it in my shopping cart. Though, I quickly realized I probably shouldn't have done that, as I might have broken or scratched the DVD. I shrugged, thinking it'd probably be fine, and went about my merry way. Little did I know, it WOULDN'T BE.....
I went to checkout, and headed home. Once I got home, I took the wubbzy DVD out of the bag to inspect it a bit closer. I checked the back, and it was very plain looking. No back covor art, just a light blue full background, with five episodes written in comic sans. I assumed these were the episodes on the DVD. They were all episodes I'd seen over a dozen times, except for one. The one at the bottom, titled: "Wubbzy gets three terminal diseases and dies" I was confused, because I'd never heard of this episode! Was it a new episode? I thought the show ended in 2010! I had to see this mysterious episode immediately! I got out my DVD player and popped in the DVD. The selection menu was very simplistic just like the box. It looked very low-effort, and almost bootleg. I just hoped this was a legitamate DVD. Since there weren't that many episodes, I decided to marathon the whole DVD. After watching the first four, I finally got to that new one.
The title card was of wubbzy in a hospital bed with an evil, sinister expression on his face, like he'd just cheated on his math homework by copying the guy next to him or something. I found that very strange, as Wubbzy was always a good egg. He was holding a baseball bat for some reason, even though he was obviously sick at the hospital and couldn't even play baseball. The bat was dirty too, it had some kind of red stains all over it! Wubbzy clearly needed to take better care of his sports gear. In the background, we could see some kind of weird, shadowy figure watching Wubbzy from the window. Maybe he was the doctor, coming in to take Wubbzy's temperature. The episode began on an establishing shot of Wubbzy's house. We then would see Wubbzy inside, doing Wubbzy things like playing with his dolls and humming a fun, jovial melody. "Oh boy!" he said, "I really love being Wow Wow Wubbzy from Wow Wow Wubbzy!" this is his catchphrase that he says at the start of every episode. While watching, I was wearing my Wubbzy merch, a shirt with a big picture of the Wubb, prominently displaying his catchphrase. As usual, I said it aloud with him. After this, Wubbzy got a knock at his door, and he went to answer it. The door opened, revealing the shadowy figure from the title card. He had glowing red eyes, and he was pointing ominously at Wubbzy. "Five days!" he bellowed. Wubbzy was confused, and had no clue what this guy meant, and neither did I. Wubbzy pondered to himself, before saying "Maybe it was an invitation to a party taking place in five days!
I wonder why he didn't provide the address?" Wubbzy shrugged, assuming he'd figure it out when the time came. For now, he decided he needed to go to the store and get this guy a present, as it was probably his birthday! Wubbzy headed down to the store, and picked up a baseball bat, because they were on sale at the moment, and the shadow guy struck wubbzy as a big sports fan, probably. We cut to the next day, and Wubbzy was reading a book, when the shadowy guy shows up at his window. He started scratching the window, creating a loud, creaky, screeching noise. What's weird is that the sound was so realistic, almost even of the hyper variety, that for a second I thought it was coming from my actual window in real life! Wubbzy turned around and said hello to him. The shadow guy hissed at wubbzy. "four days, and you're DONE, pal!" he yelled. Wubbzy smiled excitedly, "I know! I can't wait! Happy early birthday, new friend!" The shadowy figure smacked his forehead and said "No, dumbass, you have four days to live! I am a demon from hell, and I am going to take over your body and kill everyone you know and love, unless you find an ancient book and recite the spell that will lift the curse!" Wubbzy laughed, and said "gee mr.Shadow man! You say a lot of funny words!" I laughed along with Wubbzy, this new guy sure was a hoot!
The shadow man sighed and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Wubbzy went about his day, wubbzying around, and saying "Wow" a lot. He played with his favorite ball outside for a while, until a hooded figure approached him. "Hello, are you Wubbzy?" he asked. Wubbzy perked up. "Yes! I sure am! Wow Wow Wow!" The hooded man looked around suspiciously. "Quick, we don't have much time!" He pulled an old, creepy looking book out of his bag, and handed it to Wubbzy. "I am Zabalathorth the protector! I've become alerted that you are set to be HIS next victim! Take this, and recite page five hundred eighty six at least three times by candle light at exactly dawn!" Wubbzy took the book and looked it over. "Nah!" he said, tossing it behind his back, "I already finished my summer reading! Now it's time to play!" Zabalathorth quickly ran and picked the book back up. "No, Wubbzy, You don't understand! You're seriously in grave danger! You've been targeted by lord Quan'thlem'borg and-" before he could finish talking, Wubbzy was already wubbzying away joyously. "Nice to meet you, Xanax Thor! I hope to see you at that party in four days!" He went back home, as he'd noticed it was getting late. "Wow Wow! Time to catch some Z's!" He exclaimed, before moseying on into bed. Just then, the screen started glitching out for a moment. Damn cheap ass TV!
After the glitching stopped, Wubbzy was playing hopscotch at the park, when Walden came up to him. "Heya Wubbster! What's happenin' dawg!" he said. Wubbzy waved back. "Hey hey Walmart!" (thats his nickname) "Are you excited for that birthday party in three days?" Walden looked confused. "Huh? A party? Whatchu talkin' bout, boy?" Wubbzy perked up. "What? You weren't invited? Well that's awful rude of mr. shadow! I think I'll have a word with him later!" I agreed with Wubbzy, that was very rude! Walden, still confused, shrugged and said "Well, you do that, Wubb man! I just realized I have jury duty today. See you around, Wubble G!" and skipped away. Wubbzy skipped back home himself, and went to make himself a warm cup of tea. Just then, the shadowy guy appeared behind him. "You have three da-" Wubbzy cut him off. "Hey, what's the big idea, buddy? Why didn't you invite my friend, Walden to the party? He's a fun guy!" The shadowy figure, confused, said "What? What the hell are you talking abou-" Wubbzy snapped, "Don't you 'what' me, young man! You're excluding my pal just because he's a nerdy little dork, huh? It's not HIS fault he's a total bitchless loser!" I was on the edge of my seat with this drama. The shadowy figure sighed and said, "Alright, listen here, chucklefuck.. You are going to die in three days, I'm being dead serious. Aren't you the least bit intimidated?" A dog ran past the window, and the shadow guy snapped his fingers, teleporting it inside the house. He waved his hands around, levitating the dog in front of him with his magic aura, and ripped it in half. A bunch of gross red stuff spilled out of it. I was baffled by this, because I didn't know dogs were filled with ketchup. I personally prefer mayonnaise. Shadow man angrily yelled. "See that? I can do that to you and everyone you care about in an instant! I am a demon of unspeakable power!" His red eyes started glowing, and the ground below him began shaking. Wubbzy scoffed. "I don't care if you ARE a magician! It doesn't mean you can be rude to my buddy!" The shadow man screamed and bashed his head into the wall. Yeowch! That looked like it hurt! I hope he didn't get a booboo! He yelled, clearly frustrated for some reason, "Three days, motherfucker! You're dead!" And then once again disappeared into a puff of smoke. Wubbzy brushed his hands together. "Well, that should take care of that! I'll go tell Walden he's invited!" Then Wubbzy turned directly towards the camera. "Now that's what I call a sad egg!" He says, as a laughtrack plays. This was his other catchphrase! It was written on the back of my wubbzy shirt. I follow along, giving a harty, boisterous laugh of my own. Oh Wubbzy, you cheeky bastard you! Almost on cue, Wubbzy winks at the camera. Although, this wink looked a little more hyperrealistic than his usual winks. I almost felt like I could feel a slight gush of wind from his long luxurious lashes.
The screen glitched out again, and once it cleared, we would see a time card reading "three days later". The letters were written in drippy looking red ink for some reason, which didn't really seem to match the vibe of the show. Then Wubbzy was there, waking up in the morning, stretching, yawning, and scratching his ass. He went to the kitchen to pour his daily cup of coffee, when suddenly, he started twitching. This caused him to spill his coffee all over the floor, how clumsy of him! The shadowy man appeared behind him, and started laughing manically. "Time's up, jackass!" He yelled out. He began merging with Wubbzy's body, as a thick red light enveloped them both. Aww, he gave him a little hug! How sweet! He disappeared inside Wubbzy, and Wubbzy toppled to the ground, twitching even more. Black ooze started dripping from Wubbzy's eyes, and his pupils turned bright red. Was Wubbzy going emo? That's very unlike him! A twisted, sinister smile slowly appeared on Wubbzy's face, and he started laughing just like the shadow man was earlier. I found this a bit odd, since it didn't seem like anything particularly funny happened. Maybe Wubbzy was just in a really good mood. I mean, we finally get to see that party the episode's been hyping us up for! Wubbzy walked into the kitchen and grabbed a big butcher's knife, and then left the house. This was really weird, why did he have a knife? He wasn't cooking anything! But then I remembered, he was probably making a cake for that guy's birthday party! I yelled out to the tv, "Silly Wubbzy! The kitchen's the other way!" Wubbzy started looking around until he saw Walden walking over to the house, waving to him. He ran over to where's waldo and lunged at him, knife in hand. I was surprised at this, my mommy always told me it's dangerous to play with knives like that! He started putting the knife inside Walden's body several times, and when he did, some kind of red juice would squirt out of him. Maybe it was a magic knife that conjured up kool-aid! Walden screamed, maybe because it tickled. Wubbzy laughed, clearly having the time of his life. When they were done playing, it seemed like Walden was all tuckered out, because he was fast asleep. Wubbzy dragged the sleepy, unconscious Walden inside his house, leaving behind a long trail of that kool-aid from the magic knife. It was very nice of the Wubb to bring Walden inside for a cozy nap! How unfortunate he'd end up missing that party! Then the phone started ringing, and Wubbzy walked over there to answer it. He was a little bit shy, he just put the phone to his ear and started breathing very heavily. Widget was on the other line. "Howdy there, WubbaLubbadubdub!" that's her iconic catchphrase, and the nickname she always called Wubbzy. She took a swig from her flask. "Just calling to remind you I'm coming over in a few minutes" she hiccuped a couple times. "See ya, chum!" She hungup the phone. Wubbzy got a wide grin that kind of resembled the one the grinch had when he got that wonderful, awful idea. He dragged Walden into his room, and set him down in the corner. He then noticed the baseball bat leaning next to his bed. He grabbed the bat and went back to the living room. Good idea, Wubbzy! Better go wrap that up for the party! He sat on the couch, bat in hand, presumably waiting for Widget to show up. There was a timelapse of about four hours passing, as Wubbzy got progressively more bored. Then there was a knock at the door. Wubbzy perked up, and put the bat behind his back, and went to answer. Widget stepped inside, and apologized for being so late, as she had to take her grandson, Morty to school. Wubbzy slowly walked up behind her, revving up the baseball bat. I guess they were gonna play some ball! Wubbzy swung the bat as hard as he could, striking her head. Widget fell to the ground, very dizzy. Wubb Wubb obviously wasn't very good at baseball. Red ooze started dripping from a bump in Widget's head. She turned around to see wubbzy standing menacingly over her, bat above his head, with a big toothy grin, red eyes now glowing brightly. Widget kicked Wubbzy in the groin and crawled out from under him. She got up and ran away, screaming. I was appalled. Kicking him AND bailing on him without even saying goodbye? How rude! Wubbzy got up and started running after her. Maybe they were just playing tag, and now Wubbzy was it! While he was running, Buggy approached Wubbzy. "Hey hey, Wubbinator! What's shakin'?" Wubbzy struck his legs with the bat, and he fell over. How clumsy! Buggy groaned and started slowly dragging himself away with his arms. Wubbzy then stood over him and brought the bat down on his face, shattering his glasses, and the shards of glass got stuck in his face. More of that red water poured out of him as well. I guess this episode really likes red water. Buggy held up his hands, trying to covor his face, I guess he was a little shy. "No, please! Take whatever you want! Just stop!" He yelled out. I thought that was very generous of him. Wubbzy brought the bat down on his face again even harder, driving the glass shards even deeper into his skin, and giving his face a makeover that, in my opinion, wasn't very attractive. The bat was stained with that red stuff. I hoped Wubbzy would clean that off before the party! He struck Buggy one more time, causing more red water to splash everywhere. I don't know why buggy had so much of that stuff in him. Just like Walden, buggy got a little sleepy, and took a little nap as well. Wubbzy walked past his snoozing body and went looking for Widget. I think they were playing hide and seek now.
Then Daizy skipped up to Wubbzy. "Whatcha doooooin'?" She chirped. The Wubbster raised the bat, bringing it down on her. Quickly she popped out her leg, kicking it in half. "Hiiiiiiiya!" She yelled. "Here to practice some karate with me, I see!" Wubbzy, taken aback, picked up one half of the bat and pointed the sharp edges at her. He lunged at her, and she karate choped it out of his hand, sending it flying several feet out of frame. She picked up the other half. "I've been practicing! Now let's see your reflexes, Wubb man!" She hit him with it. "Ohh, so close! Gotta be quicker than that! One more time!" She began to swing it again, but then Wubbzy grabbed her by the neck. "Hey! No fair, you're supposed to hit the wood!" Wubbzy began squeezing her neck so hard, we could see his veins popping out of his hand. Daizy's face started turning blue. She laughed, "Alright, wubb! You got me! Wanna play again?" Wubbzy looked angry for some reason. Just then, he noticed two pink bunny ears sticking up behind a nearby garbage can. He dropped Daizy, and dug a shard of glass out of buggy's face. Surely he wouldn't mind, he does love to share after all! He walked over to where he knew widget was hiding. She was shaking for some reason, and looked a bit frightened. I guess she knew she was about to lose hide and seek. I guess her portal gun can't help her now! A little yellow hand reached behind the trash can and slid a shard of glass across her neck, causing, you guessed it, even MORE of that watery red stuff to spray out. And I finally figured out what that stuff is! It's some kind of sleeping juice, because every time someone gets it on them, they get all sleepy! Widget, of course, fell asleep too. Wubbzy walked back to where he was to go play with Daizy again, but she was gone! She was probably playing hide and seek too! Wubbzy clutched the glass in his hand, and looked around. He noticed a little pink bow sticking out from behind a mailbox about three feet away. "Too easy", he scoffed. He silently tiptoed over there and slashed the individual sitting there. Out fell a very sleepy girl, An extra that I remember seeing in a background shot back in season two. Wubbzy looked puzzled, and just then, Daizy ran up to him, tackling him from behind, and covering his eyes. Wubbzy started frantically swinging the shard of glass around, but it never came into contact with the wild girl on his back. Daizy squeezed him tight, causing him to drop the shard to his feet. "Suprise Wubbers! I got you, didn't I!" She yelled, laughing hysterically. Wubbzy stumbled around, trying to get her off of him, and ended up backing into a tree. He slammed her against the tree and she fell to the ground. "I hope I wasn't too rough with you Wubbs, Mcgee!" She chimed, happily. Wubbzy came to, and started approaching Daizy. "Alright, brat! It's the end of the line for you now!" He scowled at her. Daizy giggled. "Silly Wubbzy! I'm always the line leader in school! You know that!" Wubbzy stepped closer. "You're about to die, moron!" Daizy tilted her head, "Dye? Like my hair? Oh boy, what color?" Wubbzy grabbed her by the neck and squeezed again. "Haha! That tickles!" Daizy giggled. Wubbzy looked even angrier. "Geez, Wubby, why the long face?" She reached out and poked him on the nose and said "booop!" Wubbzy dropped her and went and picked up the glass shard from earlier. He slashed Daizy across the face with it. "More training? Gotta keep your skills SHARP! Hahaha!" She seemed to be having a jolly time! I'm not sure why Wubbzy looked so grumpy. He sliced her a couple more times, and some of the red goo came out again, but she somehow stayed awake! She kept laughing and cutting up with her homeboy Wubbzy. He jabbed it into her neck and kicked her in the head. I thought that seemed very rude. She stood up. "Hey Wubbzy, isn't it your new friend's birthday today? I hope you don't mind, but I forgot to go get him a present!" Wubbzy started screaming at the top of his lungs, and began twitching and convulsing. The shadow man from earlier started emerging from his body, and Wubbzy fell to the ground, weak and confused. The shadow man was screaming loudly, "Shut the hell up!" Daizy jumped with glee. "There's the birthday boy now! Happy birthday!" She threw confetti at him. Wubbzy slowly stood up. "huh? How'd I get here? Oh, hey Daizy! Hey Mr. Shadow! Is it time for the party already!" Daizy threw around more confetti, some of it landed directly in shadow man's eyes. Yeowch! "I'll go get the cake! It's at my house!" I was excited to finally get to the good part! I yelled out to the TV, "When is Walden gonna wake up! He's gonna love the party!" Shadow guy looked directly at me, almost like he could hear me, and said, "Walden isn't coming back, you dunce! He's dead. Forever." I was a tad bit startled by this. Walden is one of my favorite characters! I told Wubbzy and the gang that I hope he's not on his vacation for TOO long! Shadow man had a look of annoyance and defeat. He pulled out a gun from behind his back, and put it up to his own head. "Adios!" He said, before making the gun go boom. A bunch of black ooze sprayed out of his head, and he fell to the ground, disintegrated into dust, and blew away. Wubbzy shrugged, "I guess he's a little shy!" Wubbzy and Daizy skipped away, and the TV turned to static. The disc ejected on its own, so I assumed that was the end of the episode. I popped it back in and went back to the main menu to see if there were any special features. I selected the option, and there was nothing but a blank screen with text that read, "You've pissed me off enough. Just go. Please destroy this disk so I never have to see your ugly mug ever again." And when I pressed the back button, the disc ejected again. I put it back in it's case, and placed it on the display shelf.
I went online the next day, to Wubbville forums, a site for Wubbzy fans, asking if anyone else had seen this episode, so I could find someone to geek out with. I was met with confusion, people calling me crazy, and accusations of trolling. It seemed nobody else had heard of the episode. I guess that means I've come across a lost episode! The next day, I took the DVD and went back to the flea market where I got it to ask where the owners found it and if there were any more like it. Turns out, the clerk was also a huge Wow Wow Wubzy fan, of course (I mean, everyone is after all!) And after describing the episode to him, he said he'd never heard of it, and it can't be possible. After closely inspecting the DVD, he came back to me to deliver some pretty unfortunate news. "Well, I was right! The episode you described does NOT exist! What you have here is just a copy of 'The Wubb Club' in a bootleg box. But this little scratch right here on the DVD caused a few kinks here and there in the content and altered one of the episodes! Someone was just a bit rough with this disc!"
Man, I knew I shouldn't have thrown it down in my cart like that!